Writing to Heal

People often inquire whether writing Untitled for Now was a healing experience. The answer is a resounding yes, but it goes beyond that. You see, this book was never intended to be a literal account of every event. It blends truth, half-truths, and imagination to convey the essence of my life experiences.

Here is an example. In the book, there is this moment when kittens are in trouble. Someone is hurting them. That is based on something that really happened. However, Helen, the protagonist’s reaction to the kittens being abused, is fictional. It is based on what I wish I had done.

I wanted this book to reflect my experiences at their very essence, transcending the confines of absolute truth.

However, I found that I had to dig deep to get there. The person I am today is vastly different from the various individuals I once was. My perspectives have changed significantly over time because I have matured, learned, and healed. It was challenging to authentically revisit those different personas and truly remember what it felt like at the time.

Love also played a pivotal role in my journey. In the past, there were individuals whom I loved wholeheartedly but also caused me considerable pain. Over time, I grew indifferent towards them—a sign of healing, I believe. However, authentically depicting the moments when I loved them proved to be a daunting task. It felt like I was reopening old wounds, tearing open my chest, and exposing supposedly healed scars.

Though the scars might still throb occasionally, most of the pain was covered by scar tissue. But I soon realized I hadn’t healed properly, necessitating a metaphorical surgical process. I compelled myself to reprocess the most painful parts of my life, engaging in introspection and revisiting emotional wounds.

I do think I am better off because I wrote Untitled for Now, but I also learned that healing is painful.